Some nerd somewhere once decided that grief had 5 stages. These are the kind of things you need to know if you are to keep up with the razor sharp gags that fly around your average, well-educated Realt Dearg dressing room. For reasons that will become abundantly clear, I became familiar with grief in the aftermath of this year's Realt Dearg Railway cup. So as I lay tossing and turning in my Ronan Moloney #7 pajamas, images of a crying Conor Maharaj and a celebrating Mike Richardson flashing through my mind, the events of Saturday, November 24th ordered themselves into the following, manic, nonsensical match report/therapeutic rant.


DENIAL
The day began with the LeinConnsterMURICA team in good spirits. Defending champions and quietly confident of maintaining their rightful place at the top of the Realt Dearg tree. There had been murmurings in the build up of Munster's cute hoors pulling sly strokes in previous years, but these were men we knew, men we trained with. Everything would be left on the pitch but both sides would keep their honor. We foolishly told ourselves Munster could be trusted. But just like most of Moloney's attempts to quote movies, we were wrong. Denial took over when we saw the legendary goalkeeper Gary Thompson amble over to the dressing room. We didn't believe our eyes either when Tadhg McCarthy was produced with little or no warning. (If only every other Corkman in the club could match some of Tadhg's performances). But their presence was all too real upon throw in. Maybe we should have made greater efforts to have our own legendary Gary between the sticks. (Has anyone checked on Hurney lately??)


Denial was not just visible on our side, Podge Buckley bravely (foolishly?) ploughing into tackle after tackle head first, ignoring his doctor's warning to take up a non contact sport. Early on one of his girlish screams distracted the defense long enough to allow Limericks's chatterbox in chief, Gavan Manifold, to sneak in for a goal. Despite the best efforts of Connulleinstercali's very own Captain America Eric Lee and the always hard but fair Ciaran Gough, the second goal came just as we had dragged ourselves back into the game, Waterford getting in on the act as Bernard Herlihy swung like his life depended on it and mind-bogglingly managed to pick out Gavan in front of goal who bagged his second. 


Anger
Of all the stages, anger was the one which we all came out to see, and no-one was disappointed. With Captain Anger himself taking his place in the Ulleinsteracht full forward line (Hi Murph!) and the general surliness with which Munster men carry themselves, it is the primary emotion on show in most training sessions, not to mention end of year 'Friendlies'. From the moment a totally accidental clash with the Gougher left Podge in a quivering heap, the game was full of flashpoints. Club secretary Kieran 'Mushie' O'Brien threatened to send Shane Murphy back to Meath and Conor Maharaj came in for some heavy tackling from a clearly intimidated Munster backline. On the other side similarly questionable methods were used to subdue the lively Kevin Cormican in the middle of the field. Left with half a hurl after a particularly enthusiastic clash of the ash, this reporter attempted to bring some love back to the game with a bear hug on his senior PRO that was misconstrued as a foul (The first and only time Clare got the better of Galway this year). With such steam rising from ears around the pitch, Tadhg and Conor's unerring accuracy from placed balls kept the score board ticking over, and at half time the goals gave Munster a 4 point lead.


Bargaining
The key question surrounding the game... when exactly did the bargaining begin? Rumours of Brendan Walsh visiting the referee midweek with Mike 'Luca Brasi' Richardson, and making the official an offer he couldn't refuse are yet to be confirmed. The man in the middle was certainly in no mood for bargaining with the ConnulleinUSA men, Niall O'Keefe getting little change as he was repeatedly swarmed and dragged by Munster backs banding together like Hyenas (they'll say like lions but really it was more like hyenas). The Galway man's aerial dominance was not rewarded but he did raise hopes with a stunner of a point early in the second half. Indeed there was much bargaining with the lord at both ends of the pitch as Jamie O'Hara and Stephen Casey wondered what they had to do to be rewarded with goals after cutting in along the endline. The by now heavily concussed Podge did manage to strike a deal late in the game, begging his clearly superior marker to 'Go Loose' in exchange for promises to buy the first round in the Terenure Inn. The game had opened up at that stage and was there for taking, and Lenconster were within touching distance as the last 5 minutes approached, until a knight in shining armour appeared.....


Despair
I only mention this knight, because sometimes, there's a man. I won't say a hero, because what's a hero? But sometimes there's a man, and I'm talking about Ruairi Henchy here. Sometime's there's a man, and he's the man for his time and place. And when this game was there to be won Henchy was the man. (Hey Ronan, that's from The Big Lebowski, you've probably never heard of it). Just as the scoreboard tightened up, a loose ball in the Munster forward line led to a free, some will say a 21, some will say 40 yards out, but the Clareman had only one thing on his mind, fizzing the sliothar into the top corner with a strike that would have made Paul Flynn drool. When he added another point from the sideline, Billy Dooley style, taking his total to something silly like 1-6, the men from NotMunster began to feel their race was run. The non-concussed Munster players leapt in celebration at the final whistle, reclaiming the trophy they were too bitter to hand over last year anyway.


Acceptance
Here's where this theory falls down, because we will never accept this. It's 347 days until the 2019 Railway Cup.


*All joking aside, can someone check on Podge?


If the positive and loving atmosphere in the club wasn't clear enough from the report, why not come down and see for yourself? Realt Dearg are always recruiting and no matter what the level there's games for everyone, tell your friends!
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All roads lead to Drimnagh Castle on Sunday 7 October where the Stars will take on Skerries Harps in the Junior B championship semi-final at 11 am.

Réalt Dearg will be seeking to qualify for their second successive county final, with the added incentive of promotion to the Junior A championship for 2019 at stake. Games between these two teams have always been keenly contested and another entertaining match promises to be in store on Sunday. As this is the biggest game in the still short history of the club, all support would be greatly appreciated.

Fingallians 3-17
Realt Dearg C 2-12

Certain media outlets in the west of the country may have spent last week trying to claim a certain Mr.Kane, but for those of us hurling out of Drimnagh Castle, there'e only one Harry that matters, and he really is one of our own. We'll come to his scoring exploits later, because the real story of a day described as "bastard hot" by the referee came in the return of some of the club's former stalwarts, Harry chief among them, to get the C men onto the field.

Struggling all week and with a bare 15 set out in the programme (email, whatever), Kev McEvoy would have been biting his nails at the prospect of having to forfeit the game. But less than a decade into it's existence Realt Dearg showed that it has developed the sense of community that keeps clubs all over the country going as Mick Butler, Harry, Paddy Ryan  Ger Kennedy and Kieran Parrock  answered the call to drag the squad numbers to a frankly phenomenal 19 considering the clubs commitments elsewhere. Rumours abound that Conor O'Droma and  Liam Lanigan, at this point a figure known only in myth to about 50% of our players, shed a tear of pride in private at the commitment shown as reports came through of Butler setting his GPS for Swords when leaving Tipp at 4AM, Harry leaving his bed for the first time since last years county final defeat, and Parrock sneaking out of the house under the guise of going to watch a match, hurls hidden in the boot of the car the night before. Sure a match is the best thing for a muscle injury anyway, everyone knows that.

There was still a match to be played, and once the reinforcements had been welcomed reality started to set in as a combination of the 24 degree heat, and tales of Fingallians 12-18 to 0-2 victory in their previous game pointed to an uphill task. The opening 30 minutes were as frustrating as any the C men have played  this season, the accuracy of the opposition free taker and some really impressive scoring from distance saw the Northsiders run up a phenomenal score of 3-13 by the break. A smart combination of pacey youngsters to do the running and some to and accomplished veterans to do the scoring stood Fingallians in good stead despite some genuinely good work from Realt Dearg around the field. 2 point attempts that dropped short and ultimately ended up in the net put an unfair gloss on the scoreboard as Dave Sheehan, Ger Kennedy and Niall Heavy got some nice scores to lift the Star's spirits.

The suspicion was always there that some of Fingallians more accomplished stickmen might not have the full 60 minutes in their legs, and as the second half began, RD set about making use of the wind to eat into the lead. Parrock, satisfied with his tan after an unexpected sunbathing session in the opening half, added some much needed physicality to the full back line, and added a super pointed free from inside his own half in his cameo before his injury got the better of him, Caoimhin moving from full forward to keep up the good work and hold Fingallians goalless in the second half. 

The scores started to come at the other end, and Mick Butler's arrival at half time added much needed fresh legs. The Tipp man was desperately close to getting through for a goal, inches away from controlling a pass from Dave S as we got a good hold in the game. With Finners and Cillian, the David Burke and Johnny Coen of junior F, battling wildly in the middle, sending grass, hurls and passes flying in all directions, the ball started to find its way into our forwards more often than not, and the scoreboard ticked over nicely with Dave rifling in a peach of a free Paul Flynn style from 30 metres out.

With Fingallians funnelling players back, the middle sector was getting messy, and the wise old, for once not concussed, head of Paddy Ryan came in to oversee matters and keep the RD half back line and midfield in order, but the real star of the show arrived at the other end of the field. They say life begins at 40 and at 41 Harry Stone proved that his hurling career is only getting going. The oldest player on the pitch by 1 year (take THAT, Fingallians no.13) the Ballyragget man announced his arrival on the pitch immediately as he got in front of his man, controlled first time, wisely ignored the calls of a wandering wing back not known for his shooting accuracy, and sent a sweet strike right over the black spot to rally the troops even further.

Genuinely dominant all over the field at this stage, (reluctant hat-tip to Maharaj and Brendan for all of that fitness work) the Stars just didn't quite have the scoring power to get back within striking distance, but they did manage one score that will be talked about for years to come from the Old Schoolhouse in Swords to The Terenure Inn. The details of the goal have become blurred in the mists of time, but in the hope of the legend becoming fact, I've been instructed to print the legend.

With time running out the returning Harry took it upon himself to turn the game around. Switching out to the forty, he plucked a puck out from the sky and embarked on a slaloming run through the Fingallians defence. All but paralyzed by fear, his enemies fell before him and by the time he reached the 21  they were resigned to their fate, as Kilkenny's favourite son lashed a rasper into the top corner.***

A truly crazy game of two halfs then to kick off the heatwave, with good performances all over the field from old heads and recent recruits alike. Richie Phelan held down of the middle of the defence  throughout, Cillian and Brian Finn ran themselves into the ground and, hard as it is for me to say, used the ball intelligently throughout, Dave finished with 2-4 and Caoimhin was commanding when called upon at both ends. In reality 2 quick goals at the end of the first half put this game beyond reach when we deserved to be much closer. That 60 minute performance is still just out of reach for this team, but we're edging closer every week and next up is Civil Service, who we owe a beating after an epic league game ended in a 1 point defeat.

***Alternate ending, after a desperate scramble in the square Dave Sheehan lashed the full back out of the way and forced the ball over the line. Let the people believe what they want to believe. 

Realt Dearg C: 
Bernard Hurlihy, James Brooks  (Kieran Parrock), Ross Kelly, Gavin Deacon, Dave Lynch (Paddy Ryan), Richie Phelan, Gary Walsh, Cillian Thornton, Brian Finn, Colman O'Shea (Mick Butler), David Kenneally, Ger Kennedy, Dave Sheehan, Caoimhin Concannon, Niall Heavey (Harry "Heart of" Stone)