Junior F Championship
Réalt Dearg B 6-14 v 0-1 Erin’s Isle Drimnagh Castle, 25 April 2016 Some shooting practice took place at Drimnagh Castle on Monday evening, an enjoyable occasion for the Stars men. Early in proceedings Rory O’Loughlin became the latest addition to the famed Réalt Dearg hat trick club with three well taken goals. His place in club history secured, O’Loughlin turned provider…Shane Murphy bludgeoning another past the hapless keeper. Murphy claimed to be dazed and suffering slight concussion after the event. Whether from a blow from an opponent or from the effort involved in attempting a pass to a colleague later in proceedings is still unclear. After the interval Stephen Barry took the opportunity to show his credentials with a blistering effort. Those fortunate enough to be in attendance will surely reminisce fondly over memories of the fabled strike in years to come. With the opposition reeling and spent, leading by almost 30 points Keith Lawler stepped over a penalty…time for some charity? Not a hope, the penalty buried in a similar fashion to Erin’s Isle chances…no hope of resurrection either. Their flame flickered and died. Elsa may have sang that the cold never bothered her anyway but surely Marc was Frozen performing sentry duty in the near-Arctic conditions. Unconfirmed reports that emperor penguins had taken up residence in the Castle Moat have not been substantiated. That said, the moat was the subject of a minor scientific discovery carried out by the erstwhile Jack Mac, renowned for his expertise in the field of experimental physics. Modern sliothars, no longer manufactured with a cork core, it must now be noted, do not float….regardless of the velocity or angle of entry into the shallows. The biting conditions resulted in inconclusive conditions however. Further testing in warmer conditions will be required. Ciaran Butler, in a position noted for men in white coats, outscored the entire Erin’s Isle team with two very questionable calls. Whether the affliction which caused the momentary lapses in concentration and lateral reasoning was a symptom of optical or psychological deficiency will need to be determined. The club is hopeful that the good doctor Lanigan, unquestionably man of the match on the evening, despite not taking to the field, will be able to diagnose the ailment. Despite these asides, the evening’s entertainment was drawing out to a glorious conclusion. The stars men living personifications of the Julius Campbell’s inspiration from Remember the Titans “This team is perfect…we stepped out on that field that way tonight. And if it’s all the same to you Coach, that’s how we want to leave it”. The team’s perfection and purity destroyed by the lecherous old man. O’Droma fresh from a weekend of kleptomania secreting vital club property epitomising Yeats’ “drunken vainglorious lout” in the needless concession of a late free. A mere ink-blot for the annals but a crushing blow to the prospect of a perfect game. It is feared that calls for management to reconsider his place on future teams are likely to fall on deaf ears. Réalt Dearg: Marc MacLiam, Brian Kelly, Caomhin Concannon, Mike Richardson, Tom Kehoe, Derek McKenna, Ronan Moloney, Keith Lawler, Colm O’Gorman, Stephen Casey, Stephen Barry, Conor O’Droma, Jack McNamara, Rory O’Loughlin, Shane Murphy David O’Connell, Gavin O’Connell, Kevin McEvoy, Kevin Deady, Kieran O’Brien, Ross Kelly, Mike Butler
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Junior C Championship
Réalt Dearg A 3-15 v 2-7 St Sylvesters Drimnagh Castle, 24 April 2016 Insomnia prevails in Malahide. Peaceful sleep is but a memory to the Syls men whose nightmares are now continually inhabited by monstrous creatures bedecked in black and red. Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers combined do not present the same threat to restfulness as the mere whisper of the fabled Réalt Dearg men - modern day Men in Black spreading fear and terror. Ghoulish visions of the Drimnagh Castle fortress dominate the witching hours following two morale crushing defeats to their conquerors. The tormentors in chief, the terrible twins. Similar to the suffering inflicted on the citizens of London’s East End by the legendary Krays, the Star’s Martin Murphys tortured their gallant foes. The telepathic understanding between the two, an oft-noted cerebral attribute of twins resulted in Sylvesters’ minds mirroring their blue jerseys. Desolation, defeat, a desire for the sweet sanctuary of home. To the victor, the spoils. But to the objective observer, the result of the duo’s escapades was beautiful, sweet music. No Blaming it on the Weatherman like those notorious twins Keavy and Edele Lynch. This was pure gold. Think the luscious tones of Maurice and Robin Gibb, or the real Deals, Kim and Kelley of Breeders fame. This was awe-inspiring to those fortunate enough to be in attendance witnessing their perfect performance in the flesh. The morning started slowly, gentle sounds of spring lilting through the Drimnagh hinterland. Then, the opening interlude...awakening the senses. A long delivery towards the Sylvesters square, the pirouette turn from the Kilkenny Murphy, a marauding run stopped short, illegally...a poleaxing. His counterpart not taking that affront lying down. The Clare version standing over the penalty to avenge his fallen comrade. The net billows...the drums begin to sound. But beautiful music needs a worthy conductor. Gary Hurney between the dual torment, directing the orchestra with soft hands and silky touches. Sleight of hand, feints and counter-feints...the opposition defence struggling to adapt. Like the pub fiddler attempting to keep perfect time with third viola at La Scala...a fish out of water. Jamie O’Hara and Conor Maharaj leading a merry dance. John Tarpey taking punishment but not losing sight of possession or his colleagues, offloads to Hurney...onto the Kilkenny Murphy….net billowing again...the drums take on an ominous tone. Another delivery, this time the Clare Murphy takes the punishment...illegal contact, outnumbered...outgunned? No chance, no matter the immediate presence of hapless defenders, this twin is not to be overshone by his counterpart….Net billowing once more...the big bass drum enters the psyche to overpower the Syls senses. The shrill peal of the referee's whistle an unwelcome interlude to the composition. 3-4 to 1-5 at the break...time to finish the masterpiece. Gahan attempts to remix the opposition...A corner-back discombobulated by the sheer force of nature that is the man from Buffer’s Alley. Dazed, mesmerised, confused. There will be no West Side Story style comedic dance battle...there is only one crew performing today. Réalt Dearg shutting down all alleys of escape, no buffers here. Relentless swarming of the asphyxiated foe, World War Z style. No escape for the Syls men, each attempt to sound their bugle quietened to a whispered postscript. But suddenly, a noise offstage interrupts proceedings. The net dancing at the other end. A long delivery goaled by a Syls man who had got his ticket and decided to camp out in the Stars square...probably needed a permit for that campsite. Drimnagh zoning laws may need to be consulted. Suitably chastised, the Réalt Dearg defence took this affront personally. Derek Kenny giving a virtuoso performance from the wings. Brad Harte sweeping opposition off their feet with his force of will. Brendan Walsh bridging defence and attack with some excellent link play. Time for the final flourish. The young impresario Podge Buckley enters the fray. All attempts at drowning out his youthful virtuosity soundly punished by the Clare Murphy and the maestro Maharaj. One dud note...Gahan’s attempt to lay siege to Drimnagh Castle itself a few feet from the goal line...visions of the aforementioned Breeder’s Cannonball. A mere footnote from an impressive programme though. To paraphrase the twin Gibbs...we win again. Six starting forward scoring from play. Impressive championship debuts from Derek Kenny, Brendan Walsh, Jamie O’Hara and John O’Callaghan. Hopefully a portent for things to come. Bigger venues await these burgeoning talents, be sure to get your ticket. Réalt Dearg: Gary Thompson, Brad Harte, Cathal Hester, Brian Gavin, Eoin O’Dwyer, Niall Mullane, Derek Kenny, Paul Warren, Conor Maharaj, John Tarpey, Colm Gahan, Jamie O’Hara, Martin Murphy (KK), Gary Hurney, Martin Murphy (Clare) Brendan Walsh, John Barry, Padraig Buckley, John O’Callaghan The Annual Realt Dearg No Phone Table Quiz takes place this Thursday 28 April in D2 nighclub on Harcourt Street. Entry is €10 which includes finger food and entry to the nighclub afterwards. We would ask people to arrive between 7 - 7.15 for registration and aim to kick off proceedings shortly after 7.30pm.
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