Réalt Dearg B 6-14 v 0-1 Erin’s Isle
Drimnagh Castle, 25 April 2016
Some shooting practice took place at Drimnagh Castle on Monday evening, an enjoyable occasion for the Stars men. Early in proceedings Rory O’Loughlin became the latest addition to the famed Réalt Dearg hat trick club with three well taken goals. His place in club history secured, O’Loughlin turned provider…Shane Murphy bludgeoning another past the hapless keeper. Murphy claimed to be dazed and suffering slight concussion after the event. Whether from a blow from an opponent or from the effort involved in attempting a pass to a colleague later in proceedings is still unclear.
After the interval Stephen Barry took the opportunity to show his credentials with a blistering effort. Those fortunate enough to be in attendance will surely reminisce fondly over memories of the fabled strike in years to come. With the opposition reeling and spent, leading by almost 30 points Keith Lawler stepped over a penalty…time for some charity? Not a hope, the penalty buried in a similar fashion to Erin’s Isle chances…no hope of resurrection either. Their flame flickered and died.
Elsa may have sang that the cold never bothered her anyway but surely Marc was Frozen performing sentry duty in the near-Arctic conditions. Unconfirmed reports that emperor penguins had taken up residence in the Castle Moat have not been substantiated. That said, the moat was the subject of a minor scientific discovery carried out by the erstwhile Jack Mac, renowned for his expertise in the field of experimental physics. Modern sliothars, no longer manufactured with a cork core, it must now be noted, do not float….regardless of the velocity or angle of entry into the shallows. The biting conditions resulted in inconclusive conditions however. Further testing in warmer conditions will be required.
Ciaran Butler, in a position noted for men in white coats, outscored the entire Erin’s Isle team with two very questionable calls. Whether the affliction which caused the momentary lapses in concentration and lateral reasoning was a symptom of optical or psychological deficiency will need to be determined. The club is hopeful that the good doctor Lanigan, unquestionably man of the match on the evening, despite not taking to the field, will be able to diagnose the ailment.
Despite these asides, the evening’s entertainment was drawing out to a glorious conclusion. The stars men living personifications of the Julius Campbell’s inspiration from Remember the Titans “This team is perfect…we stepped out on that field that way tonight. And if it’s all the same to you Coach, that’s how we want to leave it”. The team’s perfection and purity destroyed by the lecherous old man. O’Droma fresh from a weekend of kleptomania secreting vital club property epitomising Yeats’ “drunken vainglorious lout” in the needless concession of a late free. A mere ink-blot for the annals but a crushing blow to the prospect of a perfect game. It is feared that calls for management to reconsider his place on future teams are likely to fall on deaf ears.
Réalt Dearg: Marc MacLiam, Brian Kelly, Caomhin Concannon, Mike Richardson, Tom Kehoe, Derek McKenna, Ronan Moloney, Keith Lawler, Colm O’Gorman, Stephen Casey, Stephen Barry, Conor O’Droma, Jack McNamara, Rory O’Loughlin, Shane Murphy
David O’Connell, Gavin O’Connell, Kevin McEvoy, Kevin Deady, Kieran O’Brien, Ross Kelly, Mike Butler